New e-Home and a Strange Mind

Hello.

It's nice to be back here. It's been a while since I've written a blog here, and this is the first one with any actual content other than to link to another blog. My previous blogging "history" is pretty much contained to the posts I made on my Myspace blog. But I figured there are only certain types of people that can be reached on a community like that, and over the last few months, I don't like the type of people that has grown to include. I haven't decided if I want people to read my blogs anyway. So far, they have pretty much served as a stream-of-thought journal of sorts. I write about the things I've recently done and my opinions based on those events. But I still don't think I've grown a theme of important things to say like other blogs have. Maybe someday my posts will evolve into that type of insightful and worthwhile writing.

Recently, I've been battling a ridiculously severe cough. It started as a normal cough that I thought was a reaction to my allergies. It grew worse and worse and began getting phlegmy. It wasn't just like when you spit normal phlegm; this has become increasingly thick and a nasty yellow. I've tried doing some reading on the Internet, and apparently it means there's an infection. I don't know what to make of this. Does it mean that the infection is making it's way out of my lungs with every cough and spit, or does it mean that the infection is getting worse without getting better? Either way, I'm not sure how to treat it.

This wouldn't be much of a problem if I were in a better financial situation. I was covered by my father's health insurance provider earlier in the year and for most of last year. But since he left that job I am no longer covered. In this wonderful nation with horrible health coverage for the poor, of which I am currently a part of, I don't have many recourses. In the most ideal of situations, I would have visited my doctor a week or so ago, received a prescription for potent antibiotics, all of which would have been at least partially covered by insurance and by now I'd be writing about my wonderful recovery. As it stands, I have no money or coverage to use in my recovery and so I must will my body to continue to fight the disease.

Being sick has bothered me more than just being forced to cough up a disgusting loogie every few minutes. My body is constantly fatigued as it is using all of its resources in recovery. I get very sleepy during the day, and am very tired doing the easiest of tasks. Now, I know I'm a lazy person but that's a personal choice, not one of being physically fatigued to where I can't muster up the strength to get a glass of water. It suffices to say it has hindered my ability to go out and get the job I so desperately need. Who's going to want to hire a person that at best looks like a terminally ill cancer patient?

Besides my body, I think this illness is affecting my mind as well. Lately when I lay down to rest a bit, I am so exhausted it is inevitable that I fall asleep. I fall into such a deep sleep, my mind has no other input on which to focus other than my subconscious. As a result, I have been having some of the most vivid and detailed dreams I have had in a long while. About 4 nights ago, I had a dream about an ex-"female-friend". We were never official, but there was a relationship there. Point is, I had the most intricate dream about what life would be like if we had ended up together. The course of the dream was an entire day spent together from breakfast at my apartment (first sign it was a dream), to a picnic lunch, a movie in the afternoon, a dinner at a nice restaurant, and an evening at the theater. The thing was it was so realistic and not absurd like other dreams, other than the impossible circumstances, that it felt realer than being awake.

Two nights later, I had a dream in which my brother and I were for some reason working out at some outdoor location in the middle of the desert. I was running laps around a desert field while he was being instructed by a trainer on the proper squatting technique after which I did some bench presses with him spotting me. Again, the level of immersion made it hard to realize it was a dream until I was awake. Last night I had another dream that was so realistically disturbing, I'll only describe it as a house party's merciless massacre with an automatic rifle at my hands. This dream had the same level of immersion and detail as the others, but was much more disturbing in my actions. What I'm saying is that it is weird what the brain will do when left to its own devices. I imagine that is what it is like to be in a coma where the only stimuli the brain and the subconscious has is itself. And in many cases, that stimuli can have disturbing results.

I can't complain too much though. Until an ambulance hauls my spastic and blood coughing self to a medical professional that tells me I have lung or throat cancer or something of the sort, I am still only fighting a cough and cold like so many I've fought and beaten before. I'll be okay. By comparison, my sister is in much worse shape. She injured her back last week to the point of being rendered incapacitated and bed ridden for the last week. I believe she's going to start therapy soon to correct her back problem, but it is going to cost her much work and leisure time while she is in pain. I hope she recovers from that soon more than I worry for my own discomfort.

Well, I'm not sure what else to discuss. I didn't plan this blog, I just started writing it. I saw Pirates 3 the other day, and though I'll avoid turning this into a review, I'll say that I was pleasantly entertained even if it wasn't the greatest movie. It was at least better than Spiderman 3, which disappointed on many counts.

I've gone on long enough, so I'll sign off now. I hope to be posting here as often as I can and maybe my posts will form some sort of cohesive theme someday. Till then, we'll call the theme ramblings.